My frustrations about my frustrations
I struggled for a long time whether or not to post this entry, partly because it is not something I am particularly proud of, and mostly because it makes me feel extremely vulnerable. In the end, I decided I would post because I felt it was important for me to share with you my experience on this journey - that is, both the good and the bad. And all I ask for is a listening ear, a caring heart, and an open mind.
As mentioned in one of my previous posts, I have started volunteering at The Working Centre helping out with the Computer Basics course. When I say basic, I mean basic. This past Tuesday they had their 5th lesson (of 8 in total), and they were learning how to cut/copy & paste from one folder to another folder. I have been with them for the last 3 lessons, and seeing them progress has been the biggest joy and satisfaction I get from being there. Last week before they left, they made sure I would be going again the following week. I even thought I found a new passion in teaching, as I did not grow up thinking that I wanted to be a teacher nor did I think I was good enough to teach anything.
Things started to change this week. A lady was having the hardest time doing the tasks. The exercise was simply to copy a file from My Documents, find her folder (which was saved under C:/), and paste it there. I spent about half an hour practicing with her, drawing trees and arrows and everything I can think of to explain to her: "No, your folder is not under My Documents. It's somewhere else.", and "No, you don't click File --> New when you want to copy & paste something.You go to Edit --> Copy/Paste".
I asked her to write steps down, then follow the steps as she tried to copy & paste again. She refused, and I felt frustrated. I was already getting impatient when she didn't know where her folder was, because we've gone over that extensively in the last 3 weeks. Then I felt irritated when none of my explanations seemed to make any sense to her. Finally my heart sank when she just gave up. I felt mad - not because she didn't understand how to do something, but because I felt like she didn't care enough. I wanted to just say, "Well if you want to learn how to use this thing, you need to try harder. Don't give up. I can help you. "
Ok I didn't actually say that. At the end of the class she still asked me as usual whether I would be there the following week. I told her I wouldn't be because I was going home for reading week. She seemed disappointed. As soon as she turned around, I couldn't hide my emotions anymore. I couldn't believe I almost lost my patience whereas the last thing she needed was another person getting frustrated at her. I felt horrible. All I wanted was for her to do well.
The worst part of this is, this is not something uncommon that I experience. I come across a lot of people in my life, whether they are people I am extremely close with or just someone I happen to know, whom I feel should simply care more. I get bothered and all I want to say is, "Stop sitting there and complain. Do something about it!", or "What do you mean you don't care? Why don't you care?" Although most of the time I'm able to pull myself back and behave how a good friend should behave, I am having an extremely hard time coming to terms with myself. It makes me want to throw something at them. It makes me feel responsible. It makes me question myself, "Should I care less?"
A mentor told me this, "You can't help someone unless they want to be helped." But am I supposed to just sit there and watch, pretend nothing is wrong and just not do anything? To be honest, I don't have this quite figured out yet. I don't know how this post is going to sound to people. Some of you are going to think that I don't need to care about other people's business, not everyone is going to agree with me, and that's okay. Just writing this post already makes me feel very emotional. I care, and I have a feeling that my encounters this summer are going to be even more challenging for me.
As mentioned in one of my previous posts, I have started volunteering at The Working Centre helping out with the Computer Basics course. When I say basic, I mean basic. This past Tuesday they had their 5th lesson (of 8 in total), and they were learning how to cut/copy & paste from one folder to another folder. I have been with them for the last 3 lessons, and seeing them progress has been the biggest joy and satisfaction I get from being there. Last week before they left, they made sure I would be going again the following week. I even thought I found a new passion in teaching, as I did not grow up thinking that I wanted to be a teacher nor did I think I was good enough to teach anything.
Things started to change this week. A lady was having the hardest time doing the tasks. The exercise was simply to copy a file from My Documents, find her folder (which was saved under C:/), and paste it there. I spent about half an hour practicing with her, drawing trees and arrows and everything I can think of to explain to her: "No, your folder is not under My Documents. It's somewhere else.", and "No, you don't click File --> New when you want to copy & paste something.You go to Edit --> Copy/Paste".
I asked her to write steps down, then follow the steps as she tried to copy & paste again. She refused, and I felt frustrated. I was already getting impatient when she didn't know where her folder was, because we've gone over that extensively in the last 3 weeks. Then I felt irritated when none of my explanations seemed to make any sense to her. Finally my heart sank when she just gave up. I felt mad - not because she didn't understand how to do something, but because I felt like she didn't care enough. I wanted to just say, "Well if you want to learn how to use this thing, you need to try harder. Don't give up. I can help you. "
Ok I didn't actually say that. At the end of the class she still asked me as usual whether I would be there the following week. I told her I wouldn't be because I was going home for reading week. She seemed disappointed. As soon as she turned around, I couldn't hide my emotions anymore. I couldn't believe I almost lost my patience whereas the last thing she needed was another person getting frustrated at her. I felt horrible. All I wanted was for her to do well.
The worst part of this is, this is not something uncommon that I experience. I come across a lot of people in my life, whether they are people I am extremely close with or just someone I happen to know, whom I feel should simply care more. I get bothered and all I want to say is, "Stop sitting there and complain. Do something about it!", or "What do you mean you don't care? Why don't you care?" Although most of the time I'm able to pull myself back and behave how a good friend should behave, I am having an extremely hard time coming to terms with myself. It makes me want to throw something at them. It makes me feel responsible. It makes me question myself, "Should I care less?"
A mentor told me this, "You can't help someone unless they want to be helped." But am I supposed to just sit there and watch, pretend nothing is wrong and just not do anything? To be honest, I don't have this quite figured out yet. I don't know how this post is going to sound to people. Some of you are going to think that I don't need to care about other people's business, not everyone is going to agree with me, and that's okay. Just writing this post already makes me feel very emotional. I care, and I have a feeling that my encounters this summer are going to be even more challenging for me.
Labels: Reflection, The Working Centre
posted by Ruby Ku at
8:14 PM
5 Comments:
Ruby,
I don't think you should be nervous or ashamed or anything else about this post. I think all of the emotions that you have expressed in this post are only human and you shouldn't feel guilty about that! I think if anything, you should be proud that you are checking in with yourself and aknowledge that you are feeling this way. If anything, the more experience and exposure you have in these situations (especially at TWC), you will learn more effective ways of dealing with these feelings, and this will definitly help you in Botswana.
And back to Friere (how it always goes back to him)... he sort of shares the same philosophy as your mentor does, with respect to "you can't help someone unless they want to be helped." i.e. you can't be the one that invokes change in someone, but you need to be there to support them on their way in making a change. While it might feel helpless watching someone not wanting to make a change, remember that it is just as helpless in trying to make the change for them (verses with them). And when you are in that situation, I guess you just hope for patience? Understanding? Hope that they will change their mind?
I don't know if any of that helped, but thought I would post it, as I constantly stuggle with the same thing.
Hey Ruby,
I loved and really appreciated your honesty in this post. Also, I couldn't agree more with Matt in that frustration is human, and there is no need to feel guilty about it. While reading this post, I thought of what Joanne said again - Frustration is learning. Through your experiences at the working centre, not only are you relating to the frustrations of others as they attempt to learn a new skill, but you are also pushing your own limits in patience and understanding life from someone else's perspective. Your frustration while working with them to expand skills is showing that you too are growing and learning, and while it is hard to push through, in the end you will have moved that one step closer to solidarity with them. Tying this back to Freire, how can the oppressor truly achieve liberation without entering solidarity with the oppressed, in order that the two might achieve it together. If you want to get anywhere, I think being frustrated is part of the process...you know?
So while it feels like crap, I think a lot of us are also feeling frustrated with our frustrations that we've encountered throughout our varying experiences thus far. I'm glad you shared your thoughts because I can relate in a lot of ways. And even though I believe what I said, I understand that saying it doesn't necessarily make me feel better about my feelings, and might not do the same for you. So if nothing else consoles you, know that you are not alone.
Hey, I love your blunt honesty, it's all part of a learning process. There are things that people do, think and act that we COMPLETELY don't understand. I believe that was how I initially felt about homelessness - and certain "friends" that I have. This is how I see it - we just care for different things because our brains function distinctively.
But at the meanwhile, when you talk about the same thing enough times because you're soooo passionate, it would arouse interest. Just like marketing, after you watched the same commercial like 20 times, you begin to notice it. So don't give up keep spreading your passionate and thoughts!
I guess people have their whole life to figure out what's wrong with themselves, but we don't have a whole life to help the same person... just keep on doing what you can and don't be frustrated.
I think maybe you have used the analogy: you have 10 files, and you want to move documents from one file to the next, and that's exactly what you're doing on the computer. Perhaps you can physically bring in 10 files, ask the person to move documents physically from one file to another, and then repeat that on the computer... What do you think?
@ Matthew & Jessica - thanks for the kind words & encouragement. I decided to post my thoughts because I know I will have support from the BB group and that was one of the intentions of these blogs - to build a network/community amongst ourselves so we have each other to rely on.
@Fion & Ping - thanks for taking the time to read this blog. It means a lot that you guys are sharing these experiences with me. It makes me feel that someone back at home is always listening when I'm "out there".
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