Pre-departure Mini Crisis
Last Friday I had a mini crisis. I came back from the Y Care walk, sent Amy off to the airport, was dying from a cold, sat down at my desk, and started feeling sorry for myself. I realized I had only one more week here in Botswana, and all of a sudden I couldn't help but felt I have done nothing, learned nothing, and did not utilize my summer here well enough. While I know that is not the case, I'm only human and I'm subject to the same fears that everyone else is. I am afraid of being useless, I'm afraid I didn't try my best, I'm afraid of not being good enough. I was panicking. I was confused. I was sad.
I decided to re-read the book Getting to Maybe, hoping it will remind me some of the important things I have forgotten during my time here. I'm glad I did.
I was reminded that social transformations are not about heroic actions by one person. Instead, it's a system intertwined with complex relationships. During my time here, I saw what needed to be done, and I did what I could do at the moment. I made the interactions I needed to make. The lessons learned, the friendship built, the understanding created...were all part of what I was meant to do here. Whether or not the system has shifted because of my actions, I don't think that can be easily measured by a simple formula. What matters was, I was part of that system.
My summer has not been perfect, but it's the imperfections that make it raw, make it real.
Special thank you to:
*Renjie, for reminding me that at the end of the day, it's about them, not me.
*Maryam, for reminding me to not get caught up in the glamour of international development and social innovation.
*Kristina, for reminding me everyone has a different battlefield. focus on what's right in front of me.
I decided to re-read the book Getting to Maybe, hoping it will remind me some of the important things I have forgotten during my time here. I'm glad I did.
I was reminded that social transformations are not about heroic actions by one person. Instead, it's a system intertwined with complex relationships. During my time here, I saw what needed to be done, and I did what I could do at the moment. I made the interactions I needed to make. The lessons learned, the friendship built, the understanding created...were all part of what I was meant to do here. Whether or not the system has shifted because of my actions, I don't think that can be easily measured by a simple formula. What matters was, I was part of that system.
"Prepared to learn means, to be disappointed, to be energized, to be up and down, and most of all, to allow for imperfections. The universe gives us extra chances. Every person, contributing what he can, can make a difference, but no one can claim resposibility." - Getting to Maybe
Special thank you to:
*Renjie, for reminding me that at the end of the day, it's about them, not me.
*Maryam, for reminding me to not get caught up in the glamour of international development and social innovation.
*Kristina, for reminding me everyone has a different battlefield. focus on what's right in front of me.
Labels: Reflection
posted by Ruby Ku at
6:28 AM
3 Comments:
Thanks for this Ruby. I felt like this often over the summer and you have written quite nicely the realization that we should all make when experiencing these feelings. I hope you don´t mind but I quoted your blog in my blog to fully capture what you wrote.
Thanks again and hopefully see you the 20th at Joannes!
thanks for reading Marissa. it's so nice to know there are also others out there who feel the same way. what would we do without these blogs?! yes, see you at home soon :)
I wish I caught wind on this blog post before you left but I got sick as well.
Even if you unquestionably do what you set out to do, you'll still feel doubts sometimes. Also, sometimes the smallest most insigificant thing could end up changing so much. Sometimes a crazy amount.
Hopefully that will help put things in perspective.
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