A family weekend

I had a really good weekend. Nothing too exciting, just spending quality time with my host family, bonding and sharing.

It's normal that you hear people attending a wedding or funeral every weekend. Last weekend I attended Oratile's friend's sister's wedding. This weekend I attended Oratile's mom's family friend/colleague's dad's funeral. About 200 people were there. It doesn't matter how distant these relationships are. As a community, it's important that people are present to show support.

The funeral was in Francistown, a 6 hour bus ride from Gaborone. The ride wasn't too bad. I was sitting in between Oratile and her mom, Ma' Matshego, spending half the time reading The Blue Sweater and half the time entertaining them with my Setswana. We stayed the night over at Oratile's cousin's house. She is a teacher at a secondary school, so is Oratile's older sister, so I got to learn about the system here a little bit. Teachers are very often transferred around the country from one school to another, regardless where their spouses work. I couldn't understand why people were okay with it. 

The funeral itself was about 3 hours long, with lots of singing, prayers, and speeches. The city counciller of Francistown was also there, and Oratile translated part of his speech for me. He urged the young people that it's vital that they take care of their parents, after witnessed many cases of children growing up, moving to the city, earning good money while leaving their parents in the village and never visited. The children would spend lots of money on expensive coffins, ceremonies, and food for guests, when their parents have really died from hunger. The city counciller reminded everyone that as stated on Botswana Vision 2016, becoming a compassionate nation doesn't only mean relationships with other nations, but also within their very own boundaries. 

Spending time with Ma' Matshego was the best. All the way she was so motherly to me, telling me not to read on the car, defending for me when I got pushed to the side by crowds. Later I found out that she was the first woman in Botswana to become a police officer. She had the position of Senior Assistant Commissioner before she retired 2 years ago. Google "Annah Matshego", you'll find her. Amazing woman, so fierce yet tender at the same time, raised 3 kids without a husband and now spends her days at her beautiful garden and sits on about a dozen community councils and boards. They joked that I'm their adopted little girl - Teboga Matshego ;)

Oratile and I continued to find many similarities between us. Only 3 years apart in age, we shared childhood stories such as eating Milo and turning them into chocolates, crying the whole day after being told our intestines will stick together or turn into a pregnant woman after swallowing a gum; our future such as how small we want our weddings to be and what a comfortable life means; discussions such as the lack of accountability, research and evaluations in most NGOs....etc. The more we chat, the more we feel that it's no longer "your values" or "my traditions". We are all the same people and share so many of the same aspirations and frustrations.

Everyday is an emotional roller coaster ride. I can go from feeling extremely happy to extremely lonely within a span of a couple hours. It also seems like I go through a little break down at the end of every week after long days of observing and listening. Fortunately my support network is always accessible and I have them to reach out to for some wisdom and love: emails from my mom & 3E, movies from my brother, daily morning calls from PB, offer to run a coaching session via Skype from Immi, and wise advice from people I respect and rely on...

"Take everyday as is without any expectations of how it "should" be like...."
"Build trust..learn from and learn WITH them..."
"Motivate one at a time..exactly like how you'd be doing it at home..."

"If you can't teach, learn. You'll find your place..."

Thank you so, so much. I owe so much to all of you, and I guess the only way I can return all the favours is in my service to others.

Leave me alone

I'm still amazed by the amount of blogging my other Beyond Bordians have been able to do already. I am so grateful that everyone is all sharing so I can be a part of their journey.

Here in Botswana, I don't have the language barriers. My host family doesn't try to feed me a feast every night. And it's not hot at all here. But we have our fair share of frustrations. 

Whenever I go I'm pretty much pointed, stared, and laughed at by people. Yesterday was my first day of work. Nico was nice enough to drop me off in the morning as my workplace is very near Oratile's. After work though, I have to take kombi home. I'm completely okay with these mini buses, the squishing, and yelling out where I want it to stop. What I'm not okay with, was the constant harassment I get from the men. "Hi baby, how are you? Are you married? Can I have you phone number?" When I tell them, "Yes I'm married, and no, I don't have a cell phone.", they continued, "Can I give you my number? Can we hang out? Where are you from? I want to bring you to Zimbabwe". Honestly, 5pm-6pm is the most stressful part of my day. Having to rush home before it gets pitch dark, trying not to get lost (I already did twice), nervous about the laptop and cellphone I have in my bag, and having to deal with the arm grabbing and hi how are you baby.... ahhh!!

And you think it's only on public transport? Nope. Another came to the office this morning. Same thing, "What's your number? Do you work here everyday? Would you like to hang out? Can I give you my number?" OFFICE!! Leave me alone!

There is a lovely children playground at where I work. Today's weather was really nice so I decided I would eat lunch there and read my book. I was also looking forward to playing and chatting with the kids, thinking they're innocent and naive and fun like all other kids. The moment I sat down, they immediately surrounded me, started poking me, going in circles around me... I couldn't eat my lunch so I had to get away from them, in such a rush that I forgot my camera. This boy ran after me and gave me back my camera. Just when I thought how nice he was, he looked up and asked for a kiss! I gave him a disapproval look and turned around. He then hugged me from behind, whacked my bum, giggled and ran away. He's six!!!

It's so annoying. And sometimes scary. Wait for Matt and Maryam to share their versions of being chased down the street and marriage proposals.

Dumelang!

Dumela is how you greet people in Botswana - first thing we learned when we arrived, very important here. I have been in Botswana for a full week now and it has definitely been an emotional roller coaster ride. Although I am physically rested, mentally I am exhausted. Each night we have to be home right after orientation because it gets pitched dark after 6pm and it's dangerous to be wandering around. There is no internet access at where I live, and I usually fall asleep right after dinner every night. But I have been writing in my journal diligently so let me share some highlights from last week.

Apr 23 - May 10 - Last minute prep + Departure + Visiting old friends in Germany
After I wrote my last exam on Apr 23, I am officially a graduate! It was so nice to spend some time with my family before their trip and catch up with friends. I had dim sum with my grandpa the morning of my departure day and did last minute packing before my best friends sent me to the airport. I also bided Jen and Jessica farewell quickly before I headed to the gate. I was on one of those new planes from Toronto to Frankfurt and had to resist watching movies to force myself to catch a few hours of sleep for the long days ahead. I took the train to Stuttgart and spent an awesome day with Immi , Christine and Madeleine. Good old times. I intended to start reading The Blue Sweater on the plane but really I just passed out all the way from FRA - JNB - GBE. It was a long journey, but I am so grateful to have all the wonderful people I have in my life.


May 11 - Arriving in Gabs + First Impression
Compare to the super modern airport of Johannesburg (newly renovated for upcoming World Cup), the Gaborone airport is much smaller and is outdoor like most in Africa. Passing through custom wasn't a problem, except that they wanted everyone from Canada, USA, Germany etc to fill out a form stating that we don't have swine flu (!!) Thankfully my luggages and Olefile, the country coordinator were already waiting for me. He gave us a quick orientation on our way to the WUSC office, let us freshen up a bit at the WUSC house, then drove us around all afternoon to get cell phone, change Pula (Botswana currency), and extend our visas (and passport photos taken on the side of the road). Finally he took me to meet my host family, which I will be staying with for a month before I move into the WUSC house with Maryam . They're a young couple in their late 20s: Oratile and Nico. Gaborone (or Gabs) is a very developed city. The mall we were at today is called River Walk, which is as nice as the Conestoga Mall in Waterloo. Grocery stores are comparable to No Frills. Toilets are as clean and water pressure is as strong. I wasn't too surprised because I had my research done before I came (thanks Joanne!). What shocked me though, was how reserved and serious people seem to be. I was expecting the big smiles and warm hugs that Katie got in Ghana. Instead, I was greeted by cold handshakes and formal introductions. Even the weather is cold, and I hear it's going to get colder (winter now in this part of the world!) In the evening, my host family and I ate dinner in silence. I tried to initiative conversations but was getting one-word responses. People also seemed surprised to see a Chinese as they were expecting a white person from Canada. I went to bed feeling disheartened and disappointed. Oh expectations and assumptions ...not good. 

May 12-15 - Orientation Week
WUSC has prepared an extensive orientation to give us an overview of the country, its culture, and different organizations that are working to improve communities. In just one week, I have learned:

• how to greet people, business hours, deal with persistent men, safety, social life, expectations...etc
  
• how to pronounce my Setswana name. (Olefile gave each of us one, telling us how important it is to use them and greet people the local way so our colleagues get comfortable with us as soon as possible.) Mine is Tebogo (ta-boh-kho), it means thankfulness.
• how to take the kombi - van-like bus that fits 16, from my house to work, how to stop them, where to get off, and how to pay them.
  
• that the way we introduce ourselves in North America feels to them like an interview, ie. "What school do you go to? What program are you in? How long are you here? What will you be doing? What are you doing after? etc" It's better not to be so intrusive when first meeting someone and just let things naturally come up in conversations.
• some volunteers applied to WUSC placements and write in their cover letters that they want to "save Africa" - Olefile joked that they come here and he needs to save them
• media only shows the richest side of America giving the impression that every white person has a lot of money and power, and only shows the poorest side of "Africa" giving the impression that Africa is just like one big country and everyone is uneducated and live in slums
• lots of Chinese here, and they do what they do best everywhere else in the world - sell fake DVDs, have their own shopping complexes, and work in construction.
• primary and secondary education, university tuition, health care, drugs, dental, HIV test, anti-retro viral (ARV) drugs = all free, covered by the government with the money made from diamonds
• government only owns some of the lands in the country, the rest of them are owned by village chiefs 
• Botswana having the 2nd highest rate of HIV/AIDS could be due to 1) country's small population, 2) free access to ARV drugs so more people remain HIV positive (instead of AIDS), 3) country reporting stats diligently vs. other countries not reporting; Biggest cause of the high HIV infection rates is concurrent multiple sexual partners; culturally it's hard for people to divorce so they remain in marriage despite both parties being unfaithful - became "acceptable" (especially among mine workers, police, truck drivers etc); Lots of teenage pregnancies (11-year-olds sleeping with 50-year-olds in exchange of cell phones, youngest mom in Botswana was 9 years old); High death rates, regular funerals - "City of Broken Hearts"
• History of Botswana: used to be very poor, Brits only colonized because they want to build railway going from South Africa to up north, never invested any resources to develop this country, Botswana discovered diamonds a few years after independence, everything this country has is built upon the profits from the diamonds, the indirect control of Brits in early days worked to Bot's advantage as they don't have class systems set up like other British colonies, Pula is the strongest currency in Africa, but economically still dependent on South Africa because land is too dry to grow food
• Botswana toursim: market itself as being very exclusive and intimate vs. South Africa etc 
• People hear have lots of pride - don't want to be seen as third world, dress really nicely for work, buy expensive cars (on loans and at the expense of basic necessities), got so rich as a nation overnight and was introduced the concept of money, infrastructures, TV, then the American culture....confused?

I'm so grateful for all the work that has been put in by Olefile to organize the orientation. The background info allowed me to have a much deeper understanding of the people and culture here in this country. He kept telling us to blend in as quickly as we can and stop looking like tourists (ie. no backpack, no maps, no cameras). So I didn't take any pictures for the entire week :S

On the last day of orientation, we met Kathy, the regional director of WUSC and Chillie, another WUSC staff who manages the Canada Fund. After dinner, I had to part with other WUSC volunteers who will be heading up to Maun and Shekawe. We're hoping to meet up again for Canada Day to do some exploring together.

May 16-17 - First weekend
The weekend has really made a difference for me. We went to a soccer game (we won 12-2!) and I was learning how to count my numbers in Setswana each time my team scores. Everyone was laughing at me. I brought home a Setswana language book and began learning it. Nico loves to quiz me and gives me looks of disapproval when I can't remember what he taught me. :) We also visited Oratile's sister in Moshupa, went to Mochudi (Oratile's hometown and also where Matt stays), met Oratile's mom and her beautiful humongous house, went to the fields, picked mais (and burned half of them when I tried to cook them), saw Matt's place, grocery shopped, watched movies and be lazy. Oratile and I chatted about student life at university, dream wedding, salary and rent, how men need to help out more with housework, relationships, and loved how despite cultural differences, men are still men wherever they are in the world.  After this weekend, I'm finally pronouncing Oratile's name more correctly than my first couple of days here and got much closer with them. I love how they're around my age, dislike cooking as much as I (so we take turns making dinner), yelled "Tebogo wake up!" at 7am on a Sunday morning, and we are more like housemates now than my host family. I'm waiting for them to bring me to milk a cattle, go camping during the desert race weekend, and have more debates about men vs. women.

picking corn on the fields

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Sorry for the novel! It was important for me to share but of course I don't expect you to read everything....comments would be appreciated though :) It was hard during the first few days..just trying to adapt..leaving a good impression and making sure people here like me. It takes a lot of effort and very tiring. I missed everyone a lot and was always on the verge of tears when writing emails back home. But everyday gets better and now I’m looking forward to start work on Monday!


Some photos!

Chille and other WUSC volunteers

Oratile - my host mom (or sister)

Oratile's place in Gaborone, where I'm saying for a month

See more photos here .